By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
