Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
