could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
