All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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