I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
