Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
