Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
