I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
