I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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