He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
