i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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