i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
