Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
