i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
