She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
