I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
