I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
