hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
