pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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