Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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