If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
