Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
