no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
