Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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