her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
