Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
