I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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