so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
