I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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