; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
