I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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