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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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