alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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