ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
