Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
