Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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