waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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