JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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