I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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