and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
