we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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