she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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