I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All the doctor said was why
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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