i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
