I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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