If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
