Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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