i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
