i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
