if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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