i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
