Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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